Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
