dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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