Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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