Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
