hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
