if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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