My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
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