my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
