Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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