Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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