Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
