At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
