haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
