i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
