I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
