A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
