so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
