Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Randomize
