we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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