how can u be prego again
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
