Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
