No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
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