At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
