Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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