Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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