why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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