sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
