I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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