I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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