I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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