i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
