Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
