i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
