Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
