My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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