Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
