I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
