Where did you get a picture of my penis
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
