i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
