it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
