I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
In America we eat man semen.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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