In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
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