the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
