btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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