you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
