I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
