How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
