i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
