thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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