you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you inspire me to be a worse person
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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