he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So vagazzling was a success
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
