You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
