my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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