i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
